The Creeping Sense of Dread

But in a good way?

We met with the bankruptcy attorney earlier in the week and it was surprisingly easy. She took one look at our last two tax returns and uncerimonously declared, “Okay, so Chapter 7. You walk away from this.” I meet with her again on Monday, so I’ll have more to say about it I imagine, but for now it feels like a small miracle. Like a mercy. We don’t have to make any more payments. I cut up our card with the multitool we keep in the center console as soon as we got back in the car.

I had to work today, running a 400-person conference (after working twelve hours yesterday to run a 50-person conference) so I was completely blasted when I got home at 4.

$22.38, Chipotle
We picked up dinner and ate it in the car. In no universe was shopping and cooking happening, unfortunately. (But also not unfortunately, because a burrito after two deeply stressful and physically exhausting days tasted amaaaaazing.)

(I’m afraid to say that we eat out of the house because someone might think, “Oh, well, obviously that’s why she’s broke. She should be making her own burritos with two cents of dried beans,” or whatever. But that person, if that person exists, probably eats out of the house all the time.)

$39.32, groceies
After stuffing our faces, we did a quick pick up of milk and snacks for the kids, plus lunch and dinner for us tomorrow. We still need to shop for the rest of the week, but at least we can do that relatively rested.

$1.17, EVGo
The car’s low battery warning came on, so we charged for 5 minutes just to get us home. The plan is to drive somehwere to charge for free tomorrow and walk the kids around.

$4.31, Burger King
Speaking of the kids, the almost-three-year-old has started requesting “Frenchie fries” from the backseat, so we picked up a small order for each of them after charging. The low battery warning came on again when we were close to the house. Ha!

$1028.50, rent
$145, car payment
It’s payday, so I paid bills on the couch while everyone was winding down for bed. (Well, the ones that had saved payment info. Somehow my purse went missing inside.)

After that was done, there was an uncomfortable amount of money left, even taking into account the electricity bill that I have to pay once I find my purse. I put $300 into savings and kept staring at the balance. It feels wrong to have that much money, like I might be forgetting something huge. It’s hilarious that having money feels the exact same way that not having money feels. Maybe it will get better. You know, like when we have to pay the attorney.